Quotations about Dieting P-2

Posted: May 2, 2011 in Fun

I go up and down the scale so often that if they ever perform an autopsy on me they’ll find me like a strip of bacon – a streak of lean and a streak of fat.  ~Texas Guinan

Life itself is the proper binge.  ~Julia Child

Blessed are those who hunger and thirst, for they are sticking to their diets.  ~Author Unknown

I recently had my annual physical examination, which I get once every seven years, and when the nurse weighed me, I was shocked to discover how much stronger the Earth’s gravitational pull has become since 1990.  ~Dave Barry

Dieting is wishful shrinking.  ~Author Unknown

It is a hard matter, my fellow citizens, to argue with the belly, since it has no ears.  ~Plutarch

Bigger snacks mean bigger slacks.  ~Author Unknown

I’m allergic to food.  Every time I eat it breaks out into fat.  ~Jennifer Greene Duncan

Food has replaced sex in my life; now, I can’t even get into my own pants.  ~Author Unknown

A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.  ~Author Unknown

I have gained and lost the same ten pounds so many times over and over again my cellulite must have déjà vu.  ~Jane Wagner

It’s not women’s fault that diets don’t work.  It’s not perversity of lack of willpower.  God did this – in Her great wisdom.  ~Dr. Wayne Callaway

Where do you go to get anorexia?  ~Shelley Winters

To lengthen your life, shorten your meals.  ~Proverb

You can’t lose weight by talking about it.  You have to keep your mouth shut.  ~Author Unknown

I think I just ate my willpower.  ~Author Unknown

If you really want to be depressed, weigh yourself in grams.  ~Jason Love

Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever.  ~Author Unknown

I am a nutritional overachiever.  ~Author Unknown

The second day of a diet is always easier than the first.  By the second day, you’re off it.  ~Jackie Gleason

Saying yes to the skinny jeans by saying no to the donuts.  ~Betsy Cañas Garmon, http://www.wildthymecreative.com

Dieting is not a piece of cake.  ~Author Unknown

You know it’s time to diet when you push away from the table and the table moves.  ~Quoted in The Cockle Bur

If food is your best friend, it’s also your worst enemy.  ~Edward “Grandpa” Jones, 1978

I have a great diet.  You’re allowed to eat anything you want, but you must eat it with naked fat people.  ~Ed Bluestone

A diet is a plan, generally hopeless, for reducing your weight, which tests your will power but does little for your waistline.  ~Herbert B. Prochnow

I’m not overweight.  I’m just nine inches too short.  ~Shelley Winters

Dieters live life in the fasting lane.  ~Author Unknown

Govern well thy appetite, lest Sin
Surprise thee, and her black attendant, Death.
~John Milton

People say that losing weight is no walk in the park.  When I hear that I think, yeah, that’s the problem.  ~Chris Adams

As for food, half of my friends have dug their graves with their teeth.  ~Chauncey M. Depew

To promise not to do a thing is the surest way in the world to make a body want to go and do that very thing.  ~Mark Twain, The Adventures of Tom Sawyer, 1876

I’m on a 90-day wonder diet.  Thus far, I’ve lost 45 days.  ~Author Unknown

The commonest form of malnutrition in the western world is obesity.  ~Mervyn Deitel

Flabbergasted, adj.  Appalled over how much weight you have gained.  ~Author Unknown

I’m in shape.  Round is a shape… isn’t it?  ~Author Unknown

I’ve been on a constant diet for the last two decades.  I’ve lost a total of 789 pounds.  By all accounts, I should be hanging from a charm bracelet.  ~Erma Bombeck

My advice if you insist on slimming:  Eat as much as you like – just don’t swallow it.  ~Harry Secombe

I am not a glutton – I am an explorer of food.  ~Erma Bombeck

Forget about calories – everything makes thin people thinner, and fat people fatter.  ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Second Neurotic’s Notebook, 1966

In general, mankind, since the improvement of cookery, eats twice as much as nature requires.  ~Benjamin Franklin

When I buy cookies I eat just four and throw the rest away.  But first I spray them with Raid so I won’t dig them out of the garbage later.  Be careful, though, because that Raid really doesn’t taste that bad.  ~Janette Barber

Clogged with yesterday’s excess, the body drags the mind down with it.  ~Horace

They are sick that surfeit with too much, as they that starve with nothing.  ~William Shakespeare

We never repent of having eaten too little.  ~Thomas Jefferson, 1825

History is apt to judge harshly those who sacrifice tomorrow for today.  ~Harold MacMillan

It would be far easier to lose weight permanently if replacement parts weren’t so handy in the refrigerator.  ~Hugh Allen

A waist is a terrible thing to mind.  ~Tom Wilson

I’m not overweight, I’m undertall.  ~Author Unknown

The leading cause of death among fashion models is falling through street grates.  ~Dave Barry

Not afraid of heights – afraid of widths.  ~Author Unknown

Gluttony is not a secret vice.  ~Orson Welles

If you have formed the habit of checking on every new diet that comes along, you will find that, mercifully, they all blur together, leaving you with only one definite piece of information:  french-fried potatoes are out.  ~Jean Kerr

All people are made alike –
of bones and flesh and dinner –
Only the dinners are different.
~Gertrude Louise Cheney

My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four.  Unless there are three other people.  ~Orson Welles

We’re the country that has more food to eat than any other country in the world, and with more diets to keep us from eating it.  ~Author Unknown

If I can’t have too many truffles I’ll do without.  ~Colette

The only way to lose weight is to check it as airline baggage.  ~Peggy Ryan

Fat is not a moral problem.  It’s an oral problem.  ~Jane Thomas Noland

Never eat more than you can lift.  ~Miss Piggy

If you wish to grow thinner, diminish your dinner.  ~H.S. Leigh

Obesity is a mental state, a disease brought on by boredom and disappointment.  ~Cyril Connolly, The Unquiet Grave

There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably desirable.  ~Mark Twain

Probably nothing in the world arouses more false hopes than the first four hours of a diet.  ~Dan Bennett

Obesity is really widespread.  ~Joseph O. Kern II

She looked as if she had been poured into her clothes and had forgotten to say “when.”  ~P.G. Wodehouse

Eat, drink and be merry, for tomorrow ye diet.  ~Lewis C. Henry

My wife is a light eater.  As soon as it’s light, she starts to eat.  ~Henny Youngman

I bought a talking refrigerator that said “Oink” every time I opened the door.  It made me hungry for pork chops.  ~Marie Mott

Another good reducing exercise consists in placing both hands against the table edge and pushing back.  ~Robert Quillen

Don’t go out of your weigh to please anyone but yourself.  ~Author Unknown


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